I remember, in the last few weeks of expecting my second born, wondering if I could love him just as much as my first. The fear of not showing enough love or feeling different about one than the other. Until he was placed in my arms, a level of guilt resided, feeling like he may possibly get "second best". Well, if you're mom to more than one, surely you know how quickly that fear and guilt leaves.
The moment you smell your second baby, those now-experienced maternal feelings come hastening back, more so than you ever experienced with your first, because now you hold this baby knowing you're capable, having a better idea of what to expect, and having an already open space for this one to love.
Days later, as you nurse your tiny, dependent baby, you see your firstborn act out, needing affection and equal attention, and you feel that somehow you must have cheated your child of love. It took me about nine months to realize that I have not taken anything away from my firstborn, but instead had given him the greatest gift possible: a sibling.
Three years and three children later, when a specific child shows a need for attention or when one of the boys is keeping the other boy awake by singing annoying songs, the guilt comes back, that I am depriving them of a life with more personal space or potentially more love and time from his or her parents... it takes but a second to watch them wrestle together, laugh at jokes, play chase with each other, care for one another, or walk in on them napping together to be reminded of the greatest gift.
These children are learning the greatest lessons in how to be social beings.
These children were born with best friends.
These children are challenged, entertained, and loved on all in the same day.
These children have natural survival skills.
These children arrived knowing that the world does not revolve around them.
So whenever an expectant mother explains her fear of loving her second as much as her first, I just respond to her, "You are giving him the greatest gift you can: a sibling". And soon she learns it's true.