God is good

Cancer and Hope

In the past five weeks, not only have I been eagerly anticipating attending and preparing to speak at the Wild and Free conference, but our household has been researching and praying about the recent biopsy that showed melanoma on my left leg.  I honestly never knew how serious melanoma was and wasn't shaken over the news. Not until I understood how erratic and unpredictable the cancer could be did I fully comprehend what our family was faced with. 
I wish I would have journaled the entire time, but I didn't.  However, I did journal the past few days leading up to my appointment at the Hoxsey clinic in Tijuana, Mexico, and the experience of spending my day there.  It's a bit vulnerable sharing this journey, but I have known since the beginning that the Lord has a purpose for this journey and part of that is sharing the alternative route for treatment that we have chosen. To bring awareness and hope.

After a long and fulfilling weekend of sharing, listening, and learning at the Wild and Free homeschool conference, I am sitting in an empty and quiet hotel room with views of a very smoggy Mexico. It’s been a few weeks since I found out that a mole removed off of my leg was positive for melanoma. At first, this was not concerning for me. But when I found out the protocol for how to handle such a small little problem, I was shocked, and suddenly a small little mole turned into the reality of the big “C” word: Cancer.

A pendulum of thoughts and emotions swept over me, but ever so briefly. Because I knew. I knew he was there, I knew he was there weeks ago, when a tugging voice was preparing me. There has been nothing but peace and the raw tenderness that comes from any shaking news or challenge. The tenderness that was there when we made the big decision to pull our children from the stability of a loving school and take them back into our own home for the training of their hearts and minds. I had been asking for him to bring it back. So it comes as no surprise and I am basking in it.

Still, though, flesh wrestles, and as I was on my run, the morning after I found out, I told the Lord, “I’ve got this, I’ll just be brave, and we’ll make it through it like any other ordinary obstacle.”  He corrected me, saying, “No, I’ve got this. You will reside in me and I will carry you.” And all of sudden my perspective changed. This has nothing to do with me. I am a willing vessel and he is free to do anything he would like in me and through me. Whether the physical end result is disease or death, It doesn’t matter. He’s got this. And I know that the eternal result is always life.

Do I think about my children? Absolutely. How can I not?  Carter is the exact age that I was when my father was diagnosed with brain cancer. I remember it clearly. But I gave my children to the Lord years ago, and I know he has the very best for them (this in no way means I’m planning on dying, to be clear!). It’s all too familiar, but the only emotion I am even able to experience is hope. And the only way I can wrap my tiny brain around it is knowing that there is a larger purpose. And I am so excited.  WE are so excited.  Jason has been nothing but supportive and at peace with every bit of this journey so far. United. In him.

Immediately my dermatologist set up an appointment for me to go to Stanford to start the long and invasive process that goes along with having a melanoma. I had a big job in San Diego the weekend after, so I had to set any thoughts aside so I could focus on providing the client with what they needed.  Upon returning, I began to do research, because I didn’t have an ounce of peace going through the typical US protocol. As I began my research, the Hoxsey Biomedical Clinic immediately hopped up. Actually over and over and I became intrigued with its history and all of the amazing testimonies I had scavenged through. Anytime I would read something, the entire screen would blacken out and the name Hoxsey would visibly light up. I just knew this was the path to go on, but it seemed to be too simple of an option!  I prayed the Lord would allow me to get in touch with a previous Hoxsey client so that I could have some sort of conversation with a success story. I googled the name of a woman that wrote a testimony back in 2006 (that again, was highlighted for me), and to my surprise, I was able to find her cell phone number! I called her immediately and she answered on the first ring. She was actually in Tijuana at that moment, with friends who needed to visit the clinic. All the information she shared with me was exactly what I needed to hear and complete confirmation of what the route was to be.

Since that conversation, there has been nothing but peace and understanding. We know God is all over this. We know he has plans to bring healing to many people who need hope. And we get to be a part of it!

Morning before meeting for Hoxsey Shuttle:
His quiet whispering:
“You don’t have to do a thing, just rest in me, Child. You don’t have to do a thing, just trust in me. You have my heart, have courage, I did your part. Come closer, look in my eyes. Beloved, I satisfy.”

Afternoon at Hoxsey, waiting for results:
The morning started with confusion... a van full of first-time patients, none knowing what to expect and a driver splitting couples up so that the patients would all be seen. Lots of prayer. For peace over the vehicle and for my own heart to be set at ease. Making small and friendly comments, it was clear most of the patients were in no mood to talk. They were nervous of the impending day ahead and upset to be separated from their spouses. I mean, here we are, a group of cancer patients, getting shuttled to Mexico without much knowledge of what's to be expected. I will never forget that moment.

Upon arrival, we entered a gated mansion, piled high on top of thousands of houses. We all shuffled into the clinic like vulnerable children. Within minutes, we were given a hand-written paper with our name on it and were brought into a single room, in which we are to all undress (there were private stalls for this), put on a blue, clean robe, and do a urine test. The man facilitating this process did not speak English, so quickly, we became a unit that helped each other figure out the smallest details as to how to put the robe on and where to put the urine. From that point forward, we had all chosen community over privacy.  Stories started being shared as we moved from room to room getting labs and x-rays done. Suddenly we were in it together with the common thread of cancer and the unknown. But there wasn’t sadness, nor despair. Just hope.

Back in the US, after a 2-hour trip across the border:
I’m so tired.  Today was long, but I need to document this. I met with my doctor two different times today. Once for a physical and once when he explained the labs to me. The only way I can describe him is that he made me feel much like my midwife had made me feel when pregnant.  Loved. And important. He asked questions no other doctor would ask, which made me realize I was in the right place. He didn’t rush me and took interest in me, even while I knew other patients waited there in the lobby to be seen next.  He explained my labs to me and praised my diet choices, explaining that because of how we choose to eat, my body has been working efficiently to fight off cancer!  What good news. He walked through each lab with me explaining the melanin activity going on, but how my body is supporting the process of building antibodies and supporting a strong immune system. He still put me on the Hoxsey diet (similar to Paleo) and prescribed the infamous herbal Hosxey tonic as well as multiple herbal supplements that aid in fighting off melanoma. I guess melanoma is an unpredictable and lethal cancer that is hard to tame.  Catching it and treating it whether it’s internal or not, is the best course of action. I just knew I didn’t want to do it through scans and surgeries and removal of lymph nodes (which is the protocol here in the US). I am so grateful. So tired, but incredibly grateful.

Home with my babies. They love me so much!  I have gotten so many meaningful hugs and kisses. I’m so honored to be their mother.  They are elated over the report and are excited to help me start with the diet and supplement routine.  What treasures.  

Jason and I spoke about how anti-climatic yesterday was.  We had been waiting weeks to know any additional information about what was going on with me only to find that most things are well.  While we are praising God, I mean REALLY praising God, we also find ourselves asking as to how he’s going to work through this situation?  One thing I’m assured of is that more people need to know about this clinic.  

There are thousands of testimonies and high survival rates coming from Hoxsey, yet it seems like no one really knows it exists. Like the woman I hunted down via-Google, who stated that it’s her personal mission to inform people of this place, I too have become a part of that plan.
If you know someone who has cancer (don’t we all?!), please inform them of this option. It is completely non-invasive (meaning no surgeries or chemo/radiation) and the tonic has a history of healing even the most terminal of cancers.  There is so much hope at Hoxsey and the people working there are serving because they believe in what they are doing and are sending people home to get healthy.  And restart their life.  And I am so grateful to have become a part of that community.
Thank you, Jesus!

Whether you are facing cancer or not, it's super important to be read up on this information. I met a young 25-yr-old mother at Hoxsey that was just diagnosed with lymphoma. She had watched the documentary "The Truth About Cancer" just two weeks prior to her diagnosis. She said she would have never considered going through an alternative route had she not seen the documentary and then researched the truth and alternatives more deeply.

Helpful links:
Truth About Cancer Documentary (there is a series, it's a bit raw, but at least try to watch the first one)
I completely understand this route is not for everyone and not everyone feels comfortable "risking" this avenue.  In no way am I informing you of this clinic to try and change your outlook or make any specific statements about the medical industry. We trust in God and how he leads us to make decisions. Sometimes that has required medical care, other times that has been to seek out natural alternatives.  It's just a part of our journey. But one thing that we are confident in is that he uses each of our stories to nudge and encourage one another to possibly seek him for answers and I am always willing to be a tool for that purpose. 

Please feel free to email me with any questions or to send my email to anyone who is hoping for different answers. This clinic is an alternative clinic that handles things much different than western medicine, yet still has higher success rates.  


I'm not sure how to explain it, other than the past month or so has been one filled with so much peace.  I have struggled for the past few months spiritually, wondering where the intense intimacy that had once been very present had gone. I've prayed and even grieved a bit for that time last year when the Lord had asked me to do big things.  Because in that time of stretching came such a closeness, a tunnel of immediate access from his heart to mine.  I felt and heard him constantly. I understand it has something to do with seasons.  And he's been reminding me that his word for our family this year is that of peace. I am finally coming around to understand that.
He's still there and I am learning to hear him in the quiet.
 Last weekend, we were blessed with the ability to stay at a cabin as a trade. Of course, it is tucked up high in the mountains where there is no internet or distractions.  It's a perfectly worn in place that allows you to relax without worrying of sweeping constantly or dirtying things up.
It was there where I was really able to understand the purpose of this year.
I was able to completely decompress.  Sit in silence. Enjoy the voices of my children (most the time, mind you, I was alone with them for half the time and there were moments of annoyance!).

It snowed, it rained, it was freezing.  Typically I would pack such a trip full of hikes and exploring but the weather didn't allow for that.  We got out a few times, but mostly we were cozied up, wearing wool socks and the same exact outfit for multiple days. :)

As I was going through the photos I took, this image took my breath away. Not because of the scenery. Because of an older brother resting his chin on his little sister. 
 I'd like to think that I know my children well.  However, when we are in the mountains, I feel like we are tied together on a different spiritual level.  There is such a reverence that they can understand from these young ages for creation. I may help foster it, but I certainly didn't plant it in their souls.  I am so grateful for the Lord putting such a passion in them. I see them light up, praise the Lord, and truly connect with him in these situations. It's become my favorite aspect of being outdoors with them, being able to experience these times as spiritual times rather than just times of recreation.

Once Jason was able to come and join us, we had a break in the rain for a few hours.  He wanted to give me a little time to myself for a run around the lake.  As he was telling me this, Carter overheard (typical!) and asked if he could join me.  We've run together before and it has been some of my most treasured time with him. I asked if he was willing to run the 4+ miles of trail, which will be very difficult in the higher elevation. "Of course!", he exclaimed.

And that he did. He blew me away with his drive and determination.  He wanted to lead the entire time, which I had to respect.  What an apparent leader at this age.  We had a wonderful time. I am so surprised that he was able to run the entire thing.  I told him that he was really sure-footed, to which he replied, "I'm not sure what that means, but if you're talking about my stamina, thanks!".  Oh my, he keeps me chuckling under my breath and consistently impressed.

We brought a little bit of school work. It's not so bad when big, white fluffy flakes are falling from the sky.


Everett had taken a fishing trip with Jason and returned to tell me he discovered some baby Dark-eyed Juncos.  I didn't put much thought into it, but when we returned to the same spot the following day, I was in for a treat.  He begged me to stop over at the spot of their nest.  As he led me there, lifted up a pine branch and revealed to me these precious, newborn baby birds, I was taken back over his ability to find them. I asked them how he knew they were here. He told me he was observing a Dark-eyed Junco in the tree above.  He was sitting still, watching her and listening to her call.  She flew down to the ground and disappeared under a pine branch. He slowly approached the branch and heard baby bird sounds, he lifted it to find these sweet babies.  It spoke straight to my heart as I am watching him learn to observe and listen.  He will sit for a long duration of time bird-watching; with a set of binoculars and a field guide nearby.  But to make such a discovery based on being still and quiet, spoke greatly to me.  I can learn from him...especially in this time of peace.

 If your children love the woods or reading of adventure, I highly suggest reading them, "My Side of the Mountain".  The boys are completely enthralled with survival in the woods and this book spoke directly to them.  Every hollowed out tree now has a different meaning to them, so it came as no surprise to see the little fort they had made from a nearby stump.
Upon our return of this sweet time, we came home to the end of a busy season of sports and activities. I am so excited to spend the summer with these children, doing what we love best. During the next few months, my hope is to take this time of peace to use as a time of great preparation for whatever the Lord calls us to next. One thing I know; He is so good, and all the difficult things he called me to last year have only made me a better mother, a better daughter to him, and have brought such large and fruitful volumes of peace into our home.  He knows what he's doing, guys. I'm not sure why I have ever questioned him!

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I don not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.