Rhythm

Two bums, four feet.

We're in a good rhythm here. The twins are sticking to a pretty predictable routine, they're eating well, have past their birth weights, and are proving day by day to be very similar in disposition!

I mentioned before as August being the "fussy" one. Well, that must have been for a day or two because these two are pretty much the same for the moment. They take turns waking to eat at night and I'll wake the other so I can get a fair stretch between. They react to their baths the same (to which they very much enjoy, but very much despise getting out into the cold air), and they are both very mellow and sweet babies.

I wanted to share two "twin" stories as I hope to collaborate quite the collection as they grow:

The evening that they were born, Elias was having some breathing difficulties. They grabbed August from me and requested to put him next to his brother, in hopes that Elias would improve. Rather than Elias getting better, August immediately turned blue and held his breath. He felt his brother's struggle and decided to be empathetic. I have read about this with identical twins and was wondering if we would get to experience it as well.

Fast forward a week and the boys went in for their circumcisions. August was first, and although the procedure was quick and virtually pain-free, he did his fair share of crying each time the doctor touched him with his cold hands. Elias was next. August had gotten a little Mommy's milk, settled back in his seat and was sleeping soundly. As the doctor continued on Elias, August screamed out each time the doctor touched Elias. Elias laid there in peace, the entire time! The doctor is the one that brought it to my attention and we even "tested" the theory out by watching poor August's response to his brother's procedure.

We're betting on little Ozzie being the empathetic one. I sure hope they take turns as feeling his brother's pain for the rest of his life would be quite a burden to bare.

I am love with these two. I have been asked how it is having two newborns vs. one...honestly, it's not much different than one. They eat at the same time, sleep at the same time, get changed at the same time... I better enjoy this now as I can only imagine what things will be like when they're mobile!

On a side note...yesterday was their due date. I can't believe they have been here for three weeks already. It sure does go by fast...taking it all in...

With Great Regret

Sometimes making a logical decision doesn't always sit right with the soul.

We've had a wonderful past two weeks. It's our new normal and it's been filled with peace and joy.

The sun has been out in a Spring-like manner here. We've been spending our days outside, soaking in the Vitamin D. We've been getting to know our two latest family members. We've gone out as a family of seven (even to a restaurant, to test the waters...Jason and I do enjoy a great challenge), visited with friends, and put a lot of time into our family...our family tank has been low due to the end of the pregnancy grinch (finger pointing to Mwah) and the turkey season that whisks our fearless leader away.

In the past few weeks, I just can't seem to kick it, though.

Since the babies were born via c-section, we were faced with the choice to do a tubal litigation (aka: get my tubes tied). Logically, we knew it would be a good choice, as pregnancies seem to take a rough toll on our family...well, that and the fact that we have five kids on a very modest income. We also prefer not to use any form of birth control as they all have certain effects that are less than optimum.

We discussed it slightly, prayed about it even more slightly, and decided together that it would make the most sense.

And now, I am filled with great regret. Within a day of being home in our new normal, it hit like a ton of bricks. I watched all of my littles play with wonder, looked down at my two tiny babies gathering milk from their Momma like little kittens, and glanced over at my sweet enduring husband...only to recognize how rich and blessed we are. And to think that we chose to cap our blessings? What if? What if there were to be one or two more? What if we were disobedient in our quick choice to prefer logic over God's plan?

I would like to say that I have worked through it and have come to peace with what we have done, but I haven't. Every time I hold these sweet boys, my first little baldies, I smell them, kiss them, and mourn the fact that they are my last.

I didn't think it would be like this. I thought I would be so happy to be done, but I'm not.

Don't get me wrong, I am in love with what God has given us. I am grateful for each child and what they bring to our family, I just feel a tad responsible for possibly preventing something when Christ had different plans.

So now, I pray. I asked for forgiveness. Although we felt confident going in, those feelings are banished, and I fear that we may not have had the exact peace that we were seeking.

All of that to say that Jason seems to be very much at peace (smirk), and five is a full-enough quiver. Somehow my pregnancy remains a little too fresh in his mind...I suppose that is a good thing...

Quite a lesson; never, ever do anything permanent until after the baby or babies arrive...unless God speaks to you directly, otherwise, you may wonder if you jumped ahead of his plan.