Sleep Higher

Since this blog doubles as a family journalistic approach to everything in our lives, it's now added a new avenue of "pregnancy book". As if I didn't share enough. Apologies, bare with it.

I'm not sure why my body does this, but the moment my body registers as pregnant, I need twice the amount of sleep. It's quite inconvenient, really, and with these two, I'm finding certain things are slacking.

I never nap, for two purposes. One, if I do nap, even for ten minutes, it takes hours past my normal bedtime, which leaves me doing completely irrelevant things such as eating and blogging at 2am. Two, napping is such a waste of time in my book. If I nap, I just lost all the "me time" that is so precious in the day.

That all goes out the window when carrying a bean. Yep, I just awoke from a fine one-hour nap. It was much needed and I feel as if I can actually last until my 9pm bedtime (interesting how that drops down a few hours as well!).

I know it's just my body's way of building a baby, but is sure is draining and inconvenient! Add on the drama of Honey Bean and my inability to exercise until things "settle" and I find myself getting frustrated, feeling lazy, and overall lethargic.

But, God is good. The first trimester will be over soon, hopefully everything bean-related will recover and I can be out with the jogger in no time.

Until then, I'll take an extra-fluffed pillow, a cozy blanket, and a side of cottage cheese for immediate consumption upon waking.

Emotions

What a whirlwind these last few weeks have been. Thankfully, The Bee Hive has been taking it one day at a time, otherwise I think we would all look like this:

Since finding out the news of our twins, I've been wrestling with emotions. When I think about the one who didn't make it, I feel guilty, as if I'm not fully mourning his or her death. Realistically, I feel like I had already in the few hours of being told that my uterus was empty.

Is that enough grieving?

As expressed before, I just feel joy and peace (Daddy Mock the same). God has been working through us and our marriage, making it stronger, showing us his promises and requiring us to completely rely on him and his peace.

In my thoughts today, after reading so many wonderful posts, comments, and emails, I must say that I tried to take a moment to think of our twin that didn't make it. In those few minutes, I was reminded of my devotions yesterday regarding Abraham and his promise from God. God promised him a tribe of people, as many as the stars in the sky (let's not count the Wind Tunnel, though, or LA, Orange County, New York City, etc.--think mountain sky!). In response to God's gift, a son (to his then-barren wife Sarah), Abraham did the ultimate by offering his son back to God.

For that, we're naming our lost baby Isaac. It may seem weird to you and we don't really understand it either (the last thing we want to do is over-dramatize our brief loss), but what we do know is that God knew Isaac before he was conceived. He is a child of God, and given to us briefly, for a season. Isaac is our reminder that our children are not our own, but the Lord's and it is our job to raise them up the best of our God-given abilities.

And to top it off, Isaac means "He laughs", which is so fitting for this family!

Wow, a lot of serious stuff... Bee, snap out of it, make us smile!

Didn't work, try again, perhaps?

Not even close.

I suppose we'll have to wait until those eye teeth pop through.

Until then....