As I was transferring all of my files from my old computer to the joint computer, I came across this poem I wrote while I was in Washington DC--June of 2001, one year after my dad passed away. Thought I would share.
Last night I awoke from my sleep
I opened my eyes & saw you smiling at me
You touched my hair and asked quietly,
“Dolly, would you dance with me?”
You turned on the music, I heard the melody
Of the song we were supposed to dance to at my wedding
There we swayed back & forth and I twirled,
Just like we used to when I was a little girl
I kissed you so many times, and I kept touching your face
Just like the night you were lifted to your heavenly place
I said “I love you” countless times
You said “I love you too, Sis” and you held me tight
And then we swayed and twirled like when I was a girl
I begged and pleaded, Dad please can I stay?
And then, at that point, you did say:
“Dolly, you have no idea how much I miss you
Your mother, your brothers, and Missy, too
It’s so hard to only speak to you in your dreams
To be in a room without you seeing me
My granddaughter doesn’t know my face or my voice
But honestly, I would make no other choice
I am free and out of pain
There’s no sin up here, there’s no shame
When I look down and see my family ache
I ask my friend Jesus if I could trade places
But He keeps me close by to help him do things
You know how I love working and the joy it brings
I wish you could come with me, you’d feel so at home
I can’t stand when you feel like you’re all alone
But Dolly, you have something so big to achieve
You’ll be glad you stayed, just trust me”.
Then we swayed and twirled like when I was a girl.
--What's amazing to me is that there are so many more grandkids now! Many times I am reminded at how wonderful of a grandfather my dad would have been. He loved kids, absolutely loved them. I have so many memories of him wrestling with kids on the floor, little girls running up to him in church, hugging him and him saying, "hi darlin!", snuggling little babies. Actually, as I write, it reminds me much of how Jason is with kids. Loving and confident.
I know I can't change that my dad will never hold, wrestle, or tickle my boys (remember Mr. Wiggly?). I know that it's pointless to even imagine it (although, it's such a beautiful thing to imagine). But what I do know is that the kids my dad has impacted and affected in his lifetime is a great number, and those kids will be great moms and dads because his inspiration, and to that, I must be grateful.
I am also grateful that my mom married a wonderful man. His brand new role of "Opa" comes so natural to him. I love watching him play with Carter and cuddle with Everett. I also love that Carter and Everett have their Gigi and Papa minutes away. Carter looks forward to visiting their place everytime and is in such a loving environment when he's with them. Eight years ago, I would have never imagined having two sets of wonderful grandparents for my grandchildren. So, happy Grandparents Day to you both. I love you guys very much.
And to Grandma and Grandpa Brown--words can't describe. You guys have put so much time and memories into our relationship. The fact that my friends consider you their own grandparents says it all. I love you guys. Thanks for all the trips to San Francisco, the bowling alley, the roller rinks, shopping, dinners out, baseball games, Santa Cruz, the list goes on and on. Every one of those trips and events built this relationship based on love and fun. Happy Grandparents Day to you guys. You are so loved and appreciated!
Grandma and Grandpa Peters--you both are so inspirational. I know NO other couple as self-sacraficing as you both. You are such an incredible example to everyone. Your crowns in heaven need a mansion of their own. Your hearts are so pure and I can only hope that my kids received a portion of you both. I love you guys and am amazed at the people you have impacted in your lives. What a legacy you have created.